Every time I watch "A Baby Story" on TLC, no matter how stupid the people are, I cry. If the people are too annoying, I just have to turn it off... mostly those are the women who choose not to have pain meds (which I'm not saying is ridiculous, but it's ridiculous if you have to sound like a dying animal to get through the labor.) But - the moment they deliver the baby and it takes the first breath of air ... and cries, so do I. Quite honestly, I don't remember the very first moment that I saw Scarlet. (I haven't written this in her baby book.) But with this baby... this miracle - I feel like I have had SO much time to ponder, and worry, and wait...that I truly feel like I might pass out from excitement, emotion, and relief...when I see him or her. Even though I may not physically speak the words, my first words will be "I have waited so long for you..."
I had a good appointment today. My cervix is measuring "long and firm," so that's good. I had more contractions yesterday than I think I have had any other day, so I have been very careful yesterday and today. The baby is still breech, and I really do hope it turns. A C-section isn't the worst thing by any means, but it's worse for my Asherman's, so I am hoping we can avoid it. So... 5 more weeks until I get the stitches out. Right after she takes them out I will walk around for a bit and then go over to labor & delivery at the hospital to check on any big cervix changes. My Dr. said that labor will most likely not happen right away, but they take this precaution anyway. I will definitely have my bag packed!
It's hard to believe I have passed through so many months on bed rest...Now it seems as though the time will fly by as we really prepare for our new team member. I finished a book called "How the Light Gets In" by M.J. Hyland. The voice is like a female Holden Caulfield. Terrific. I could relate to her candidness, introversion, (although I think I'm intro and extrovert) her desire to be loved and cared for...and to have a home as a sanctuary to retreat to. I've started "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I will probably never read this much again until I have retired. I have really enjoyed it.....
The last couple episodes of Oprah had Portia de Rossi and Ricky Martin - their memoirs, and their struggles with coming out with their homosexuality. I really pray that their stories and stories like theirs can help struggling kids. It breaks my heart that people have to hide who they are for fear of what others will say or think. There was something so happy and admirable about Ricky Martin...the relief he felt when his mom and dad accepted him for being gay. Now he is just 100% honest in his life. He said he doesn't want to live with a mask on anymore. I found it really inspiring...we should all be good enough as is, without trying to be something or someone else.
Happy 70th Birthday to my amazing mom! I cannot believe you are 70 years young. Thank you for all that you have taught me and given me... including the gift of life itself. We love you!
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
Oscar Wilde
