I have wanted to write this entry for five weeks, but I've been a little busy. Someone said to me "you have to end it... end the story on your blog." And I realize it's the end of the story of my pregnancy and Jackson's birth, but it is really just the beginning... of our journey as parents of two. A family of four. A dream come true.
The morning of the c section we said goodbye to my mom in the wee morning hours, took one more photo of my belly by the Christmas tree, and kissed Scarlet one last time before she became a big sister. At the hospital Robbie and I were calm. We weren't scared. We were ready. I don't know how many times I asked him with excitement "honey, what is it???" (the baby) while we were waiting to go into surgery.
The spinal block was the very worst part for me. Not the shot itself, but feeling the effects and gauging if it was working well enough - scary to think about being cut into and possibly not being numb enough yet. They strapped my arms down and put the oxygen mask on as my body was going numb.... yuck. I started to get sick so they gave me some anti nausea medication and put a tube in my nose instead of the claustrophobic mask! Then I finally saw my sweet husband. I could only see Robbie's eyes because of his mask, but I thought I saw a hint of worry.... I just stared at him the whole time with wide, hopeful eyes and a big smile, and told him I was all right, and that I couldn't feel anything. He was smiling beneath that mask!!
In the few minutes that passed with Robbie by my side, I have never been more in the moment, more conscious of life and it's happenings... so connected to Robbie - right then and there. I was so excited. So happy about everything in my wondrous life - to have Robbie there with me...waiting to meet our new baby. Every now and then I fall in love with him all over again.... and there in that operating room as we waited for our miracle, and I heard him exclaim "it's a boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That was one of those moments.
Jackson Edward McKay was born at 10:13 a.m. on December 31st - weighing in at 7 lbs, 10 oz, and greeted us with a ferocious cry and a hearty appetite. When they cleaned him up and held him to my cheek, I cried like a baby... whispering silently as I knew I would "I have waited so long for you...." It was unbelievably special. So much more so than I even thought it would be - which is amazing, because I think a lot of times in life it's hard to even meet expectations, much less exceed them. The birth of a baby is quite simply magical...and Jackson's arrival was nothing less.
The poor little guy was all wrapped up in the umbilical cord which is why he stayed breech. Thank God I didn't try to turn him. I just knew my baby needed to be breech for a reason. My Dr. said my placenta came away easily and that my uterus looked great!!! There was a moment of panic (I thought) when I needed a quick shot of methergine in my arm to help contract the uterus, but after that it was smooth sailing. We had a fantastic team taking care of us in that operating room...and we certainly had a multitude of prayers and love flowing through our lives at that moment...and immediately into Jackson's.
There is nothing more precious than Scarlet's love for her little brother. I knew she was going to love her baby, but I never imagined this. It's so adorable, so sweet, so right. She loves to snuggle him, kiss him, "play with him." It is one of the best gifts we have received through Jackson's birth...witnessing Scarlet's love for "baby Jackson."
It was all so worth it. The surgeries, the hormones, the bed rest, the sadness, the loss, our lives revolving around getting pregnant...it was all worth it to have Jackson in our lives! A fourth pile of laundry, four names signed on our cards, and a blue nursery. We are so smitten, lucky, and blessed.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all of your support and prayers...and for following our journey. I'd like to say that I'm going to keep up writing on this blog, but without cervical measurements to post, it might not be very exciting. Check back once in a while if you have a moment... our journey for this McKay may be over, but we certainly have a fantastic journey ahead of us...
xoxo
"We do not remember days, we remember moments."
Pavese
