the countdown

If this baby is colicky I am going to be so annoyed. I mean honestly, all this for a fussy crier? No thank you. Oh fine... I guess I'll love him or her regardless!!!! Robbie and I are beside ourselves. How can this be happening?? We are really going to meet our baby on Friday!!! We had our last appointment this morning and we asked our Dr. a ton of questions about the surgery and recovery. I had to slip in that there's a big possibility we may want a third child, so saving the uterus is pretty important. She knew that, but I thought I'd remind her. I told Robbie they should save my life before my uterus, but try really hard to keep the uterus. That's all I can do... get a spinal block, have a little drip of a narcotic, say a prayer, and hope for the best.....

I actually feel really good about it all. I am mostly just really excited to meet my new little sweetheart!!! The last couple of weeks I have been a little nervous about it all including meeting the baby! But now in the "final hour," I am ready - as I suspected I would be. My mom is coming in tomorrow morning and will stay with us while I'm in the hospital and maybe a few days after. We are so thrilled she can make the trip to see baby McKay and help with Scarlet. We are so lucky!

There's a line from a song called "Duet" by Rachael Yamagata - "I remember what we said, as we laid down to bed..." The song has nothing to do with having children - it's more about two lovers. But every time I hear the song...every time I hear those words... I think of Robbie and I sharing our dreams in the quiet moments where no one else could hear us. Planning our future, sharing our hopes and desires...our ideas of the perfect life. Moments, giggles, and tears shared in the secret sounds of silence... making a pact of happiness. And always, always, those moments - whether they literally existed, or were simply the core of us as beings, and our marriage - always - we were surrounded by children.

That's what made the song so heartbreaking before... when we didn't know if our dreams were going to come true - if all we had ever imagined for our lives together was going to happen.

And here we are............. less than 2 days away from a new life to hold, a child to love, and a dream fulfilled. We are in awe already, and our gratitude is endless... I am counting down the hours until I can introduce my newest best thing.

"Be guided by the stars which you place well on the canopy of your night sky."
- Mary Anne Radmacher