omg, I cannot believe I am 28 weeks! Yay for me and my incompetent cervix and scar free uterus. My cervix measured 3.1 cm today. Go kitty... go kitty. I knew I could do better than last week. The baby is 2 lbs, 12 oz, and today was our last ultrasound! It's hard to believe normal people usually only have one ultrasound @ 20 weeks. I feel like I could work the machine myself.
I have had 2 good boy dreams. In the first the nurses put the most darling baby boy by my side (he was like 8 months old) but he was so perfect, with blond curls and scrumptious skin. The second dream was my grandma Marie - who passed away in 2003 - putting her hands on my stomach and saying "boy."
So...8 weeks left of bed rest. Holy shiatsu. I always think that the anticipation of things is worse than the actual moments of living through them. Lately I have been getting a bit nervous for that newborn stage, and the worrying... (and tax season.) But I deal with things better when they are finally just HERE because then you just have to plow through (you have no choice) instead of anticipating the worst. Obvious, yes. I guess when you have a lot of time to think you have a lot of time to worry...
Today I am thankful for the beautiful fall weather, the orange tree outside my window, my amazing husband who is so stressed out but still takes time off to come to the doctor with me, my crazy daughter who melts my heart every morning and night, my friends who come visit and bring me food and advice on my house, a day without hearing the damn dog next door, a shirt on the guy walking his dogs, peanut butter cup ice cream, the return of my sisters cat Oreo, NoDak sunflower pics from Casey J, and the blessing of spending this intimate time with the precious little gift I am carrying...
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
-Fr. Alfred D'Souza
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
newborn training
holy %&*#
Poor Scarlet has a fever and was up ALL NIGHT. Poor thing was miserable and medicine helped a little, but it didn't really take her fever down much. Then she started throwing up. I woke up in a daze over and over and thought - wow, this will be my new life in January! Scarlet is feeling a little better today and hasn't thrown up since early this morning. Needless to say, she has watched a little tv today.
My 27 week appt went well. I was measuring 2.8 cm and had some funneling (funneling last week too.) In case you forgot what funneling is, it represents "the dilation of the internal part of the cervical canal and reduction of the cervical length." Here is an example off the internet. (not my cervix!) The baby is on the left, the cervix length is the dotted line in the middle, and the funneling is the black triangular shape in between. This cervical length is very short...less than 1 cm. Mine is much longer!
My doctor said yes, the length is shorter than last week but I am 27 weeks (and shortening is normal now) and so..... she didn't seem at all worried. I am definitely going to take it easier this week though, so don't you worry. Next week I start my 3rd trimester. I simply cannot believe it!
"Thank you Jesus for my cute little baby."
Scarlet Katherine McKay
Poor Scarlet has a fever and was up ALL NIGHT. Poor thing was miserable and medicine helped a little, but it didn't really take her fever down much. Then she started throwing up. I woke up in a daze over and over and thought - wow, this will be my new life in January! Scarlet is feeling a little better today and hasn't thrown up since early this morning. Needless to say, she has watched a little tv today.
My 27 week appt went well. I was measuring 2.8 cm and had some funneling (funneling last week too.) In case you forgot what funneling is, it represents "the dilation of the internal part of the cervical canal and reduction of the cervical length." Here is an example off the internet. (not my cervix!) The baby is on the left, the cervix length is the dotted line in the middle, and the funneling is the black triangular shape in between. This cervical length is very short...less than 1 cm. Mine is much longer!
My doctor said yes, the length is shorter than last week but I am 27 weeks (and shortening is normal now) and so..... she didn't seem at all worried. I am definitely going to take it easier this week though, so don't you worry. Next week I start my 3rd trimester. I simply cannot believe it!
"Thank you Jesus for my cute little baby."
Scarlet Katherine McKay
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I'm beginning to see the light
Today is absolutely gorgeous. 70-75 degrees, sunny, with just the right amount of breeze to give the falling leaves a little flight. After my appointment today, I drove around the lake with the windows down, listening to Dean Martin singing "Ain't that a Kick in the Head" playing on the radio. It was my version of walking around the lake. It was exhilarating. The sun, the leaves, the breeze, the music... it was spectacular. But the best part was thinking about our little 2 lb baby and it's big head.
My cervix was 3.4 cm today which is great! Yes, it's lower than the last couple of weeks, but my doctor is still saying it's excellent, and at this point my cervix is going to start shortening anyway. At 26 wks the baby is measuring 2 lbs and the head is measuring 28 wks. I think it runs in the family... Scarlet was known to have a decent sized head when she was a baby. In fact our friend Mike called her Barry Bonds once. Cutest Barry Bonds I've ever seen. Anyway, it's all good news and the larger melon is perfectly fine... we just thought it was funny.
We had such a fun weekend with my mom, sister, and nieces visiting. We also got to see my sister-in-law and nephews which is always a fun time. I love having a big family, and hanging out with my siblings and their kids... it's so cool to see them grow into their own selves. Spending time with my family always reminds me where I have come from...
There is a song by Iron & Wine called "The Trapeze Singer." The lyrics throughout the song are "please remember me..." through various times and circumstances in his life. I often think back to the time before I found out I had Asherman's Syndrome...especially back to the months of trying for a 2nd baby not knowing it was all for nothing. Not understanding that it would all turn into such a big deal for us.
During the almost 2 years of trying, researching, surgeries, miscarriage, etc., I thought of this song and my lyrics "Please remember me... when I was unaffected." I wanted to go back to a time when I wasn't totally consumed with conceiving a second child...back to a time when not everything revolved around the next step, surgery, hormone treatment, uterine balloon!, waiting period...until we could try again. Now that I am pregnant and so close to our dream, I definitely feel some release from being so consumed... but I am not the same, of course. We are not the same. And why would we be? This is the progression of our lives... change is constant, and I have to accept the Kathy that I am now. I have learned so much from the trials and heartache we have endured, and have been blessed with so much joy along the way too...
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
My cervix was 3.4 cm today which is great! Yes, it's lower than the last couple of weeks, but my doctor is still saying it's excellent, and at this point my cervix is going to start shortening anyway. At 26 wks the baby is measuring 2 lbs and the head is measuring 28 wks. I think it runs in the family... Scarlet was known to have a decent sized head when she was a baby. In fact our friend Mike called her Barry Bonds once. Cutest Barry Bonds I've ever seen. Anyway, it's all good news and the larger melon is perfectly fine... we just thought it was funny.
We had such a fun weekend with my mom, sister, and nieces visiting. We also got to see my sister-in-law and nephews which is always a fun time. I love having a big family, and hanging out with my siblings and their kids... it's so cool to see them grow into their own selves. Spending time with my family always reminds me where I have come from...
There is a song by Iron & Wine called "The Trapeze Singer." The lyrics throughout the song are "please remember me..." through various times and circumstances in his life. I often think back to the time before I found out I had Asherman's Syndrome...especially back to the months of trying for a 2nd baby not knowing it was all for nothing. Not understanding that it would all turn into such a big deal for us.
During the almost 2 years of trying, researching, surgeries, miscarriage, etc., I thought of this song and my lyrics "Please remember me... when I was unaffected." I wanted to go back to a time when I wasn't totally consumed with conceiving a second child...back to a time when not everything revolved around the next step, surgery, hormone treatment, uterine balloon!, waiting period...until we could try again. Now that I am pregnant and so close to our dream, I definitely feel some release from being so consumed... but I am not the same, of course. We are not the same. And why would we be? This is the progression of our lives... change is constant, and I have to accept the Kathy that I am now. I have learned so much from the trials and heartache we have endured, and have been blessed with so much joy along the way too...
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
the miracle of life
77 days left of bed rest. That's nothing it seems, from where I started. When Robbie and I did long distance in college, we always used to try to make the length of time between seeing each other more bearable. 77 is just 7 days, 11 times, or 11 days, 7 times. or about 15 days, 5 times.......
Today my cervix measured 4 cm! Everything else is looking right on, too. We are so thrilled! It is getting old though, I must admit. I am tired of asking Robbie to do things for me...and I'm sure he is tired of his role too. That is the hardest part by far - not being able to help out...having to ask for help. I guess the roles will be reversed when I am breastfeeding.
Last weekend I longed for the opportunity to bust out of the house and go for a long soul soothing walk in the autumn sunshine. But in the words of Kenny Weber "sometimes in life there are things that you just have to do, and you don't want to." Like lie in bed while the world passes you by, perhaps. A bit over dramatic, yes. But I am antsy to get things done. I feel like there is so much to do with the house...moving all of our rooms around, painting, preparing... and all I can do is make lists...and wait for my next netflix to arrive. And so it goes...
I feel so lucky and showered with love. Out of the blue, a friend - Erica - from high school sent me 5 amazing books from Barnes & Noble. She was on bed rest too, and sent them "from one bed rest mama to another." It reminded me how wonderful old friends are, and the sweetness of girlfriends, and the bonds of motherhood. Thank you Erica, and congratulations on your little darlings!
Whenever my doctor listens to the baby's heartbeat, it's as if she's hearing it for the first time...after she counts the beats on her watch, she closes her eyes and just listens for a few seconds. Today she said "isn't it amazing?" I really love that about her...after all of the patients, deliveries, and babies, she is still so excited and passionate. I fantasize about my Dr. coming to check on me the day after we have this baby. I just know I am going to bawl my face off. It will be such a milestone - the morning after...a finale after the journey. A happy ending. When she came to check on me after Scarlet she said, with a certain light in her eyes "Isn't it a miracle?"
and she is...
"The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle."
Anais Nin
Today my cervix measured 4 cm! Everything else is looking right on, too. We are so thrilled! It is getting old though, I must admit. I am tired of asking Robbie to do things for me...and I'm sure he is tired of his role too. That is the hardest part by far - not being able to help out...having to ask for help. I guess the roles will be reversed when I am breastfeeding.
Last weekend I longed for the opportunity to bust out of the house and go for a long soul soothing walk in the autumn sunshine. But in the words of Kenny Weber "sometimes in life there are things that you just have to do, and you don't want to." Like lie in bed while the world passes you by, perhaps. A bit over dramatic, yes. But I am antsy to get things done. I feel like there is so much to do with the house...moving all of our rooms around, painting, preparing... and all I can do is make lists...and wait for my next netflix to arrive. And so it goes...
I feel so lucky and showered with love. Out of the blue, a friend - Erica - from high school sent me 5 amazing books from Barnes & Noble. She was on bed rest too, and sent them "from one bed rest mama to another." It reminded me how wonderful old friends are, and the sweetness of girlfriends, and the bonds of motherhood. Thank you Erica, and congratulations on your little darlings!
Whenever my doctor listens to the baby's heartbeat, it's as if she's hearing it for the first time...after she counts the beats on her watch, she closes her eyes and just listens for a few seconds. Today she said "isn't it amazing?" I really love that about her...after all of the patients, deliveries, and babies, she is still so excited and passionate. I fantasize about my Dr. coming to check on me the day after we have this baby. I just know I am going to bawl my face off. It will be such a milestone - the morning after...a finale after the journey. A happy ending. When she came to check on me after Scarlet she said, with a certain light in her eyes "Isn't it a miracle?"
and she is...
"The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle."Anais Nin
Thursday, September 16, 2010
baby mckay
1.5 lb baby McKay at 24 wks!At our 24 wk appt today, my cervix measurement was 3.9 cm!!! My Dr. told me to keep doing what I'm doing... and she's not changing my activity level. I was hoping that if I keep doing well that I'll get some restrictions lifted, but that's not the case... which is fine (I guess) since I am able to leave the house in the wheelchair. It could be worse! So, about 84 days to go................of bed rest at least.
I also had my gestational diabetes test which I passed - hooray! And I got a betamethasone shot in my rear. This develops the baby's lungs in case I were to go into preterm labor. Since I am doing so well, my dr. is really not worried about preterm labor anymore, but this was the original plan, so we decided to stick with it. This shot needs a follow-up 24 hrs later, so I have an X on my arse so I know where to give it tomorrow. In my words to the nurse "between the crack and the hipbone, right?" Right.
Last night I was snuggling Scarlet in her bed and she asked if she could feel the baby kick. She put her hand on my stomach and said excitedly "mommy, I felt the baby kick!" (it didn't) but I went along with it... then Scarlet said "Yeah, you missed it, mommy."
"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for."
Henry Lewis Mencken
Friday, September 10, 2010
the in-betweens
It all started when I got the box of milk duds in the mail from Peggy (among many other treasures.) It has been a lazy day. I know what you're thinking - what day of mine isn't lazy? And it's sort of true... but today I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to read 2 pages in my book. That's what happens when you fill your days with inactivity, I guess.
I've always said that if you find yourself at home and available to watch Oprah, it is a good day. And let me tell you... every time I see a commercial for her farewell season, I get the chills. I mean I don't totally worship the woman, but I think she's extremely generous. I love the clip where she jumps up and down and says "everybody gets a car!" I'm embarrassed about how many times I've seen it and so many others. The TaxMasters commercial is undoubtedly one of the worst. "Patrick Cox for TaxMasters" ...ugh. I always think of my brother and how much we would make fun of him. His beard is so out of control, and I want to punch him in the face every time it comes on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4jAq1tsXoA
Scarlet started swimming lessons last night and I went along and got wheeled through the family locker room... ahhh the delight. She did such a good job! We were really proud of her. Every time she did something, she'd turn around with a huge smile, look at us, and say "mommy." I was so glad I was there! Scarlet is getting so big - it's so fascinating but a little scary to watch her grow up. We praised her to no end after swimming, so she was really proud of herself too. But then there are times, like when she is coloring... she is trying to master the circle and does it over and over and over again until she gets a perfect one, and when I say "that one's good sweetie," she says "no it's not," and tries again and again. Her perseverance is admirable, but when do we learn to be so critical of ourselves? I never thought I'd see it at such an early age. And it breaks my heart when she says she's not good at something... we always tell her she can do anything, and I hope she always feels our unconditional love and encouragement. Even when she lies about chewing a barbie shoe to smithereens.
Today when Scarlet was leaving for school, she turned back and gave the baby ("her baby") a kiss before she left. So sweet. In those moments, nothing else matters, and it shouldn't. Every night when I go to bed, I go into Scarlet's room to tuck her in, and I place my face on hers... and I feel the rise and fall of her body and breathe in her sweet little smells... and I think - there is nothing more precious than this little being we have created. All I want to do in this life, above anything else, is raise my kids to love their lives as much as Robbie and I love ours, and to appreciate every moment as best they can, and to laugh laugh laugh and cherish not just the big moments, but the little ones you're not expecting. The in-betweens. The looks, smiles, smells, sounds, feelings, giggles, togetherness, warmth... the kisses. The LOVE.
"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories."
George Eliot
I've always said that if you find yourself at home and available to watch Oprah, it is a good day. And let me tell you... every time I see a commercial for her farewell season, I get the chills. I mean I don't totally worship the woman, but I think she's extremely generous. I love the clip where she jumps up and down and says "everybody gets a car!" I'm embarrassed about how many times I've seen it and so many others. The TaxMasters commercial is undoubtedly one of the worst. "Patrick Cox for TaxMasters" ...ugh. I always think of my brother and how much we would make fun of him. His beard is so out of control, and I want to punch him in the face every time it comes on.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4jAq1tsXoA
Scarlet started swimming lessons last night and I went along and got wheeled through the family locker room... ahhh the delight. She did such a good job! We were really proud of her. Every time she did something, she'd turn around with a huge smile, look at us, and say "mommy." I was so glad I was there! Scarlet is getting so big - it's so fascinating but a little scary to watch her grow up. We praised her to no end after swimming, so she was really proud of herself too. But then there are times, like when she is coloring... she is trying to master the circle and does it over and over and over again until she gets a perfect one, and when I say "that one's good sweetie," she says "no it's not," and tries again and again. Her perseverance is admirable, but when do we learn to be so critical of ourselves? I never thought I'd see it at such an early age. And it breaks my heart when she says she's not good at something... we always tell her she can do anything, and I hope she always feels our unconditional love and encouragement. Even when she lies about chewing a barbie shoe to smithereens.
Today when Scarlet was leaving for school, she turned back and gave the baby ("her baby") a kiss before she left. So sweet. In those moments, nothing else matters, and it shouldn't. Every night when I go to bed, I go into Scarlet's room to tuck her in, and I place my face on hers... and I feel the rise and fall of her body and breathe in her sweet little smells... and I think - there is nothing more precious than this little being we have created. All I want to do in this life, above anything else, is raise my kids to love their lives as much as Robbie and I love ours, and to appreciate every moment as best they can, and to laugh laugh laugh and cherish not just the big moments, but the little ones you're not expecting. The in-betweens. The looks, smiles, smells, sounds, feelings, giggles, togetherness, warmth... the kisses. The LOVE.
"What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories."George Eliot
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
the best thing
I almost can't believe that my appt could be any better than last week. Yesterday my cervix measurement was 3.8 cm! I simply cannot believe it, and truthfully... we feel like it may be a bit off since the measurement was done at the other clinic (same as last week.) Next week we go back to our regular tech, so we'll see how well I do there!! I just had no idea that it could get that much better!
One of our favorite songs is "You Are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne... Scarlet is a pro at singing it. Here's a picture from this morning of my two best things.
I hate to jinx it, although I don't believe in jinxing anyway... but I feel like time is kind of flying by! It's September 8th, and I have so many things to look forward to - my mom and sister are visting in a couple of weeks, then it's apple orchard/pumpkin patch time, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas! By God I'm going to give birth before I know it!
I can't wait for that chilly day in January when Robbie can come home to a house filled with the warmth of Ella & Louis, a nice glass of vino, the smell of pot roast, and our two kids behaving like angels.......
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
Socrates
One of our favorite songs is "You Are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne... Scarlet is a pro at singing it. Here's a picture from this morning of my two best things.
I hate to jinx it, although I don't believe in jinxing anyway... but I feel like time is kind of flying by! It's September 8th, and I have so many things to look forward to - my mom and sister are visting in a couple of weeks, then it's apple orchard/pumpkin patch time, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas! By God I'm going to give birth before I know it!I can't wait for that chilly day in January when Robbie can come home to a house filled with the warmth of Ella & Louis, a nice glass of vino, the smell of pot roast, and our two kids behaving like angels.......
"The unexamined life is not worth living."
Socrates
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